Quick quick!

Microblog really! Floor 1 is up on the Hogwarts Map pages – just go to the above bar and hover over “Marauder’s Map” and then click First Floor! Will be hurriedly doing the next floors shortly. Video blog at some time, like a postcard or something. See you soon! 😀 C xXx

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Hogwarts Map update

Hellooo! [spoiler: no pitchas, sorry!] I am blogging today [after a bit of a dry spell for which I apologise] from a beautiful villa situated on a hill above Port de Pollenca in the north end of Mallorca, in Las Islas Baleares [España]. There are lovely views of the sea, the mountains, and the surrounding [hundreds of] villas. I’ll put some photos up soon. First and foremost however, just a quickie:

Over the past few days I’ve been noticing on the stats page that the most visited part of my blog [recently] has been the Hogwarts Map. I know I’m supposed to be on holiday but this relaxes me, as well as the warm sea air etc. So – for those of you who are trying to Map the castle themselves [I’m sure I can’t be the only one] I wanted to make a couple things clear:

1. The Hogwarts depicted is a mishmash of the Hogwarts in the films, the games and the books. As an example of this, it will depict the Astronomy Tower above the Middle Courtyard as in the films, it will depict a number of corridors and stairwells depicted mainly in the games, and it will also depict features of Hogwarts from only the books such as the swivelling staircase.

2. As well as this, I have obviously to put my own mark on the map. As such, having been to a school and college both of which obsessed by historical figures, I have added my own nods to famous witches and wizards. I have renamed the Clock Tower the Orloj Tower, after the clockface it is based upon. Similarly, the Astronomy Tower is now Gorsemoor Tower, after Gunhilda of Gorsemoor, whose statue sits at the base of the tower, at the bottom of the Defence Against the Dark Arts staircase.

3. It is a very slow process! I have been going very slowly through every possible source so I know where things are and how to place them correctly. What doesn’t help of course is the MOST DRASTIC change that the most recent film has made, namely the destruction of the Grand Staircase for the [proper] Marble Staircase. Now, rather than moving stairs, there is just one gigantic marble staircase going upwards. Whilst this will potentially make mapping easier, there appears to be a number of stairs off the main one… So again, this complicates things a little. So too does the adding of a tiny court at the base of Ravenclaw tower – which I’m guessing must be a rooftop court above the Quad.

4. Anyway, anyway, anyway, enough of my rambles. This is just to let you know that I am aware of your constant checkbacks, invisible internet obsessors over Hogwarts. And I am working forward, I’ll put something up this week.

Nb. The reason there is nothing written on the Orloj Tower in the current map is because its first floor corresponds wi the rest of the Castle’s third [or so I can gather]

Once I’ve done the writing down where everything is part, I’ll begin drawing the map from scratch with walls and staircases included.

Anyway hope that’s all good for you. I’ll do a video blog at some point this week so you can see all that I can see of this beaut view .

Loads of love, C xXx

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A Letter to my rabid readers [and NEW PITCHAS 8D]

Dear you,

Thank you for your constant support on my blog. Thank you for reading what I have to say, even if a lot of the time it’s a pile of wank. How exactly something can be a pile of wank is unclear. But I thank you for appreciating this one.

Looks like there’s a pile of wank beside spongebob there . Eeeww ..

You might not appreciate it. You might have a lot to say about what I have to say. That is, as they say, your party. By all means comment. You have that right. You also have the right to write your own blog. You have the right to draw pretty pictures and make petty opinions and post them all over the internet as you so please.

But there, your rights end. You do not have the right to stop me from writing. I am accountable for everything that I write, and I do so in full awareness of this. I am responsible for it. This blog is like a baby to me.

So – I thought I’d reward your wonderful followment with some more stuff I am responsible for for you to look at! Namely PITCHAS !

Firstly, some of the first from the Fourth Coram’s Book: Coram on the Shore, can be viewed here.

Secondly, I have started a new book with a very pretty painted front cover [though it didn’t photograph too well] called Coram’s People Watching [or Coram’s Face Book], which basically will compile a fuckload of faces, mostly imagined, some inspired by real life, and mostly character face sketches of all them dog-gone books I read.

Check them out here.

Please looky-wook, I would appreciate it muchly. I am also asking for suggestions for characters – my dear friend Rachel, who’s as much of a Potter fan as I am, suggested a picture of Tonks, which then mutated into this picture of her and Lupin.

Hope you enjoy!

And again – thank you so much for all the support you’ve shown me these past 3 months, or however long I’ve been blogging.

In terms of what’s going on in my life – loads of drama-rama, involving more internet trolls than usual. Basically and according to my housemate, I just love feeding them. I guess it’s like feeding squirrels. You can’t not. Only thing is, trolls are ugly whereas squirrels are cute. Don’t go telling me they’re just rats with fluffy tails – the tail makes ALL the difference.

C xXx

Ps – watch the following. I am not directly saying ‘fuck you’ but I was listening to this song as I wrote all this, and potentially dancing like the big fat black man that I am inside .

FOR FUCKS SAKE THE EMBEDDING ISN’T WORKING stupid youtube. Watch the vid instead here.

pps – for those of you who were interested in my previous post bout winehouse, please read the following:




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I kid you not. [Rage]

Those of you who cannot understand nor appreciate the horrors of addiction are actually making me feel contempt [see angry picture above] . Cheers for that . Ruin my soul as well as your own . Think Winehouse is dead? Yeah, she’s joined the 27 Club but she’s alive in each and every one of us. Think those in Norway, or Somalia, or Texas are more dead? They live on just as much, in us talking about them, willing the world to become better, as said the Norwegian Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg, with ‘more democracy, more openness, more humanity.’

You lot though.. it appears you are dead already.

I was harrowed by the death of Amy Winehouse. What harrows me more however, is the love some people are not getting in touch with. In some previously read statements made over facebook and twitter I am seeing some truly hateful things; it is utterly shameful. To will to acknowledge that someone who was loved by a mother, a father, a family and friends, and countless others who were touched by her amazing music, has lost all chances of being what she once was, is the least you can do. If you can’t understand that, all I can do is apologise on your behalf, and hope that one day you might appreciate everything that you have. If the worst part of your life is having to endure people mourning a celebrated singer, then you must be pretty fucking lucky.

C xXx

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Coram on the [Chiaroscuric [?]] Shore

Oh, and I forgot to mention that I went to the National Portrait Gallery recently and bought a new notebook. As such, it is named Coram on the Shore and I have so far done the following 3 drawings in a rather chiaroscuric (?) style – very dark shadows and all that. Hope you enjoy x – ps, apologies for bad quality, I took them off the blackberry xx

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A List of Birthday Pres- Demands.

I can hear your utter outrage! How dare one post a LIST of PRESENTS wanted for a birthday?! IT’S SCANDELOUS .

Well yes, it is, and I’m not really going to do that, of course. It’s just a very quick post because all I really want is this book. If you’d like to get it to me, please do. Alternatively, any book by Haruki Murakami that isn’t Kafka on the Shore (FINALLY finished: was a WONDERFUL ending but jesus the last bit dragged on a bit), Sputnik Sweetheart (we all know this is my absolute favourite) or Norwegian Wood (which now I’ve started and am enjoying – perhaps I should just put on the video though, yeah better.)

Alternatively the following two books’d be nice also: Rivers of London and it’s sequel Moon over Soho, by Ben Aaronovich.

But anyway, anyway, anyway – what I really wanted to say was that – gasp – I actually know someone (though I don’t really like them very much anymore as they just constantly started arguments with EVERYONE even their best friends, hence, they no longer have many) who used to post on… Myspace it was, at the time, a list of birthday presents! Birthday demands, more like it! And they had a big party and you had to come with a present and it HAD to be off the list! But it was so awful of course – imagine if you got something the same as someone else! But no, I thought – considering it’s my twenty-first I’d like to express the interest I have in reading the book[sorry, books] I linked above, and there is a very good story as to why.

Tending the Heart of Virtue was suggested to me, today, by Dr. Anna Abram, the Head of Social and Pastoral Studies at Heythrop, during my interview for my MA in Contemporary Ethics.

And I’d like to tell you all that I got iiin! She said, and I quote: ‎”I can tell you absolutely and today that I would be very happy to offer you a place next year doing MA Contemporary Ethics”.

I’n’t that LOVEERLY . We had a really good conversation about moral imagination, which is fantastic. I reckon if people could do a course focusing on Narrative Ethics, they’d choose it! I suggested this t her but she doesn’t think it has much interest – what d the rest of you think? But hooray, I’m in. Very happy.

Now I just need to go and sign on.

Please click that link, I can’t embed it but it amuses me – C xXx

Ps – Sorry no Pitchas today, I am on my home innernet stick [back in LDN] and as such pictures don’t work properly on it and go all pixely (even, I think, if I save them, then upload them here) (unless I’ve already got them on the PC, in which case I can upload them fine) (but I like to Google them whilst I write . Probably illegal as I’ve never once cited where I’ve got them from and yet ask others ask me to use my pictures elsewhere . So apologies . But yeah . )

Look: my sister-at-six-years being very This is England (aka, first pic I saw when looking inside my PC for any amusing pitchas):


pps … This makes me laugh . A bit .


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A Little Bit More About Harry Potter

Ok, I saw it. I saw the film sensation everyone’s talking about. And I am not even kidding, I left the cinema feeling a little dead. Admittedly, it gave me a headache, or I happened t have a headache afterwards and felt really spacey and out of it 😦 -sad face- But – I’m gonna give you the lowdown. AND BE WARNED – IF YOU HAVE YET TO SEE THE FILM, DON’T READ AHEAD AS I LOVE SPOILING THINGS . So:


First things first. WHERE we left off.

Ok so as we all know, Harry’s on the search for Voldy’s HORCRUXES [bits and bobs that mean something in which the Dark Lord has placed part of his soul]. We left the guys on a beach near Shell Cottage just after Dobby the house-elf had been murdered by the EVIL Bellatrix Lestrange (though I cared more about Hedwig dying: man feel like I’d grown up with a pet owl). And before you see the film, MAKE SURE YOU SEE PART ONE otherwise you won’t know WHAT THE HELL is going on.

Anyway, anyway, anyway – the film starts basically where we left off, Voldy stealing the WORLD FAMOUS Elder wand from the tomb of Dumbledore. The opening scene is almost EXACTLY the same as the one ending in Part one, save a little cut up and made shorter, as though to hurry us through it. Then we head out to Hogwarts and meet Snape, newinstated headmaster – and seeing his face you can just read his thoughts [if you know his backstory already] – he’s clearly saying “What the hell has all of this come to?” As the children of the castle march in over the Entrance Cloister and into the Great Hall. Then we buzz on over to Shell Cottage where the trio interrogate Griphook the goblin and Mr. Ollivander to give us a bit of a lowdown on what’s been doing on and what now needs to happen.

I thought it was a bit spoonfeedy and slow so far, but never mind. The action’s about to begin, and it did.

The film had a LOT of things I liked. One of these was the Gringotts’ venture – down to the vault of Bellatrix Lestrange to steal a horcrux from her vault. It was much more stress-inducing and tense than the book, and I loved the use of Imperio, as well as the Dragon [though, I always thought it was an Antipodean Opaleye rather than a Ukranian Ironbelly, as Ron points out that it is, but never mind]

Once they’ve escaped there’s a lovely shot of them coming out a lake they jumped into off the dragon’s back [yeah did I mention they escape on the back of the dragon, a plan which Hermione understatedly refers to as ‘mad’] and there’s the usual Harry merging with Voldy’s thoughts thing, which I am SO bored of . I always got, even in the books, that everything was so fucking easy for them. I think I’m gonna re-write them for JK Rowling, and every time that something just happens to help them along [McGonagall perfectly refers to it in Philosopher’s Stone as ‘sheer dumb luck’] I will re-write it NOT HAPPENING and see how fucking far they get. These kids have felix felicis IN THEIR BLOOD. Rowling of course pretends they’re all lonely and vulnerable and are doing everything themselves, but they couldn’t have done it without the convenience of Aberforth [as we find next as they return to Hogsmeade] nor of course, Dumbledore, who had EVERYTHING planned anyway! >Rolls eyes< SO UNSATISFYING.

But that’s a digression really, from the book and the film. I loved the Caterwauling Charm that went off in Hogsmeade, but you got to wonder why Death Eaters wouldn’t pretend to be Harry’s friend and usher him inside a building and then say “Oh actually, we’re death eaters taking advantage of your nature to trust, now we’re handing you over to Voldy :D”

I am nitpicking. SO then they plop along to Hogwarts, and we have some really wonderful and impressive spells from McGonagall, Slughorn, Flitwick and Weasley [Mrs, who is helping barricade the castle wi McGonagall, YES] and some amazing lines back to earlier films like “Filch get these children to the dungeons,” “I’ve always wanted to use that spell,” [after Piertotum Locomotor] “Mr. Finnegan you may blow the bridge up if need be, considering your history with pyrotechnics” and all these bits that I thought YES I REMEMBER THIS FROM OTHER FILMS 8D

And the protection over Hogwarts was truly beautiful, as was the interrogation of the Grey Lady by Harry – who, true to many account of ghost-sightings, was smoky, orb-like, angry, malleable to whatever form she liked – though I wasn’t quite sure where their talk happened, it appeared to be the base of Ravenclaw tower, which I thiiink is the reason for the new tower change on the East side of the Quadrangle. It appeared to be pretty beautiful to be honest – you could see the rest of the castle below and yet it appeared to be a cloister. Could have been the bridge to the Tower. I loved her character as well.

Bit er.. Angry.

Once she was talked to however, things began going a little downhill. Voldemort, now in full knowledge that Harry is fucking with his horcruxes, begins to lose it a little – you see him getting a little unhinged, and kills someone in rage when another is destroyed by a kissing Ron and Hermione in the Chamber of Secrets. I think I just got a little bored – the battle on Hogwarts didn’t seem to be making much headway and the Castle being attacked wasn’t defending itself much. There were moments – like roots coming from the ground and pulling a giant down, and Kingsley freezing a death eater in midair and sending him flying backwards, Neville exploding the covered bridge with a firework enchantment and Goyle’s fiendfyre, that were truly amazing pieces of magic ! And yet, there was little of this elsewhere. Once, then done. The rest was bangs and whizzes and flashes of light, and it was a bit sort of .. unrewarding almost. I’m watching a film about magic, and all I’m seeing is fireworks and flashes.

Then came Snape. Dear, sweet Snape. We all love Snape, right?

And here, it was all done right. Oh no wait – you just got the impression that he and Lily were friends in a field with propeller seeds and daisies, rather than loving friends throughout school. They showed no connection once at school, but still there were moments in this sequence that brought a solitary tear to one of my eyes.

Then, Harry walking to the forest was basically the book, and a tender moment from Hermione, and seeing the dead bodies (none of which you saw die, I might add. It was very much Harry’s film – no one else’s].

And then came the Kings Cross scene – which was as tacky and echoey and light and weird as it is in the book, and the mutilated portion of Voldemort’s soul sat beneath the bench in a truly repulsive twitching mess. It was really spine chilling.

And then the final battle raged – a lovely moment from Neville telling us that it didn’t matter Harry had died because he lived on in everyone who cared about him – and then of course Harry pops up again and whizzes off away from Voldemort. Why Harry would run I’ve no idea – why not just battle there and then?

And then as they whizz off in a chase around the castle [going over the hospital tower twice in succession I might add], in the Great Hall Molly does her trademark line and turns Bellatrix Lestrange to stone and blows her up, and Ron, Hermione and Neville kill Nagini.

The line “Why do you live?” – “Because I have something worth living for” was omitted, and I really don’t know why, I really liked that from the trailer – and then Voldy and Harry plummet to the earth and end up back in the Entrance cloister, where they Priori Incantatem each other’s asses and the Elder Wand is beaten by Malfoy’s stick of blackthorn. Voldy crumbles away into paper, which was horrible to watch, but ultimately unsatisfying – great, there could be bits of Voldemort in the tea we’re drinking in the Great Hall, and of course, where the fuck do the death eaters fuck off to?!

Then, WITHOUT FIXING HIS OLD WAND WHAT BROKE, Harry snaps the Elder wand and chucks it over the viaduct.


Oh no wait – nineteen years later the trio barely talk, and just stand there looking all old, and harry has a son, and I don’t feel remotely attached because it’s ended way too quickly.

Never mind. It would have been so much more rewarding to see Voldemort as this dead body you can just roll off the cliff, and Bellatrix. In a way they had better deaths than the poor victims in the Hall.

But – I hope you enjoy it. If you see it, please see it in 2D – David Yates’ way of doing things is very dark and cold, and it doesn’t work very well with 3D at all, as most of the film takes place at night. It is another film where they’ve just added 3D so you can be like WOW IT’S ALMOST REAL – when in actuality the only bit where you’re like OMG IT’S 3D is right at the beginning, when a dementor looms into view from a misty darkness. That was proper freaky like it was actually in the cinema.

But otherwise – to enjoy the beauty of it, see it in 2D, pleeease.

Anyway I’ve ranted enough. I’ll see it again a couple times I think; maybe I just got my hopes way up. I’ll probably like it when I see it again.

C xXx

This makes me laugh too much .


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